I can come up with a million excuses...well two dozen realistically, as to why it has been so long since actually using this blog.
Some of them are good legitimate reasons, while others are merely excuses. But when you think about it... aren't they all excuses?
This summer was filled with many life changing times. I have to say, I do believe it has been the most influential summer in my life to date, at the time it felt like the end of the world. But I believe every little thing leads to something else.
These events that happen in our life...I'm feeling are either something to test us, to encourage us, to help us, to lead to something more. It is my own opinion so no one can say I am wrong. (You will discover, I am quite the sensitive, insecure soul. Something I would like to improve on-keep the sensitive part though;). So don't be surprised if you find I question what I am saying often. )
Rather you believe in fate, destiny or nothing...you must agree at least a little, that life sometimes has a weird way of incorporating the bad and good for a reason.
And I KNOW that sounds awful, especially when some are dealt such a hard hand in life...perhaps in their next life they will know the beauties this world or the next has to offer? I'm not saying the trials and tribulations one is given are fair or are they deserved. Or the constant pain and suffering some are dealt is planned...I just like to think that in some way it relates to something else...a bigger picture so to speak. But another part of me feels these things are often unjustified. No, almost every bit of pain seems unjustified, especially when I have met some purely kind souls who have known nothing but pain.
The whole leading to something more issue is simply a game I play with myself, for my own benefit it seems.
I'm still in the process of learning and discovering this life, be patient with me to fight my ignorance and to see more. I'm still learning and have a long way to go.
My personal and professional life gave me a few obstacles to overcome this summer, both happening at once.
Ironically, everything seems to of been for the better in the end. I'm still working on having confidence and not being so fearful on opening up, but I'm going to push myself. After all wouldn't it be a terrible thing to miss out on opportunities and have a life full of regrets in the end?
My life for the past four years have been spent with someone else, it was the longest I have ever been close to anyone. This person was more of a friend then anything else to me...like most things in life, its a loooong story. But that story has now ended.
I could have many regrets and kept on wishing to of changed certain things, I can't live like that and don't want to. I remember BOTH the good and bad, for it has brought me to where I am today.
It has made me who I am. These experiences have helped me grow and learn.
It always feels like the end, then you hit rock bottom and realize there is something there. You find another part of yourself. The extra strength...the strong, sassy, rebellious, independently thinking, spiritual, eccentric person who has been in hiding all these years.
I don't blame him for losing myself or for anything that has happened, I don't blame anyone. What happened has happened. Life is too short to point fingers...instead I will continue to pick myself up and keep starting over.
That's the beauty of life, you can always pick yourself up and start over...as many times as you like.
Sometimes your lucky to have someone do such with you, other times you find out more about yourself when you do it on your own.
I never knew who I really was before, I mean, we all have ideas on how we would LIKE TO BE...to actually know who you are is a rare thing.
I'm in shock with the beautiful treasures I have been finding in the past few weeks. I have friends who are so caring, strong, uniquely creative, mindful spirits...it is wonderful to see them. Work is offering more paths then what I know what to do with.
Then with one individual, one I'm very lucky has come into my life. Its ironic for he has seen briefly what has been going on in my life...his kind and encouraging words helped me through some difficult days, ones that weren't as kind as others. One of the things he has mentioned and that I hold dear to my heart is...that what I am looking for, will find me. It has.
I am finally learning how to open up and trust...my god I think that is the hardest thing I have done thus far...well trying to. I'm not going to run from this.
Everything in my gut is telling me not to post this...maybe its my heart, out of fear?
To know someone truly, you have to see the good and the bad...more then just one side. I want to know people and I don't want to pretend to be something else anymore.
This is who I am.
...and I promise all my posts won't be this long and self involved ;)
Some of them are good legitimate reasons, while others are merely excuses. But when you think about it... aren't they all excuses?
This summer was filled with many life changing times. I have to say, I do believe it has been the most influential summer in my life to date, at the time it felt like the end of the world. But I believe every little thing leads to something else.
These events that happen in our life...I'm feeling are either something to test us, to encourage us, to help us, to lead to something more. It is my own opinion so no one can say I am wrong. (You will discover, I am quite the sensitive, insecure soul. Something I would like to improve on-keep the sensitive part though;). So don't be surprised if you find I question what I am saying often. )
Rather you believe in fate, destiny or nothing...you must agree at least a little, that life sometimes has a weird way of incorporating the bad and good for a reason.
And I KNOW that sounds awful, especially when some are dealt such a hard hand in life...perhaps in their next life they will know the beauties this world or the next has to offer? I'm not saying the trials and tribulations one is given are fair or are they deserved. Or the constant pain and suffering some are dealt is planned...I just like to think that in some way it relates to something else...a bigger picture so to speak. But another part of me feels these things are often unjustified. No, almost every bit of pain seems unjustified, especially when I have met some purely kind souls who have known nothing but pain.
The whole leading to something more issue is simply a game I play with myself, for my own benefit it seems.
I'm still in the process of learning and discovering this life, be patient with me to fight my ignorance and to see more. I'm still learning and have a long way to go.
My personal and professional life gave me a few obstacles to overcome this summer, both happening at once.
Ironically, everything seems to of been for the better in the end. I'm still working on having confidence and not being so fearful on opening up, but I'm going to push myself. After all wouldn't it be a terrible thing to miss out on opportunities and have a life full of regrets in the end?
My life for the past four years have been spent with someone else, it was the longest I have ever been close to anyone. This person was more of a friend then anything else to me...like most things in life, its a loooong story. But that story has now ended.
I could have many regrets and kept on wishing to of changed certain things, I can't live like that and don't want to. I remember BOTH the good and bad, for it has brought me to where I am today.
It has made me who I am. These experiences have helped me grow and learn.
It always feels like the end, then you hit rock bottom and realize there is something there. You find another part of yourself. The extra strength...the strong, sassy, rebellious, independently thinking, spiritual, eccentric person who has been in hiding all these years.
I don't blame him for losing myself or for anything that has happened, I don't blame anyone. What happened has happened. Life is too short to point fingers...instead I will continue to pick myself up and keep starting over.
That's the beauty of life, you can always pick yourself up and start over...as many times as you like.
Sometimes your lucky to have someone do such with you, other times you find out more about yourself when you do it on your own.
I never knew who I really was before, I mean, we all have ideas on how we would LIKE TO BE...to actually know who you are is a rare thing.
I'm in shock with the beautiful treasures I have been finding in the past few weeks. I have friends who are so caring, strong, uniquely creative, mindful spirits...it is wonderful to see them. Work is offering more paths then what I know what to do with.
Then with one individual, one I'm very lucky has come into my life. Its ironic for he has seen briefly what has been going on in my life...his kind and encouraging words helped me through some difficult days, ones that weren't as kind as others. One of the things he has mentioned and that I hold dear to my heart is...that what I am looking for, will find me. It has.
I am finally learning how to open up and trust...my god I think that is the hardest thing I have done thus far...well trying to. I'm not going to run from this.
Everything in my gut is telling me not to post this...maybe its my heart, out of fear?
To know someone truly, you have to see the good and the bad...more then just one side. I want to know people and I don't want to pretend to be something else anymore.
This is who I am.
...and I promise all my posts won't be this long and self involved ;)
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